The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Houston, we have a blender
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize