i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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