I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
