I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
