I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I've blown a few things in my day
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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