Michael Bay diarrhea
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
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