YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
