my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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