A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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