I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
