jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
one two three fourrrrnication!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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