i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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