lets start a swedish sibling band together
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
