plz talk dirty to me
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
