so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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