If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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