Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
