how do flat chested girls get laid?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
