Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
