When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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