He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
