I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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