I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
