he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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