She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
