biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize