That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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