okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
