Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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