i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
