Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
