I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
