Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
