I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
