don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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