My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize