Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
