and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
