you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
