Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
