just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Congratulations! We have a period
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
