i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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