if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize