Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
this is an emotional support booty call
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize