The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
