I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
