If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Who put my cat in the fridge?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
