I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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