I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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