your room smells of hookers.
And success
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
