I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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