What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Semen is not good for contacts.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
