you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
