she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
