Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
