Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
