also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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