if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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