But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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