dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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