Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
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