Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
