You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
